The Book

The Estrella is a page dedicated to the fantasy book, by Sisi Kirkwood which chronicles the story of Alex and Electra in their struggle against the Demon, Moredus who threatens to start a war with the heavens and use Earth as the battle ground. Alex must find Electra and recover the artefacts stolen from the Sanctuary. Electra , his partner and lover has been abducted. She faces change and struggles of her own as she learns of her birth right and her origins. What she discovers changes her fate and the fate of the world forever.
The Estrella, a book by Sisi Kirkwood can be purchased as an ebook from

Friday, 31 May 2013

Change , Inherent and Irrevocable

The Estrella is about change, how one deals with it. Electra gets blind sided by her transformation. It's fight or flight and honestly that's where I am right now.
As a woman we face so many challenges. We give birth, we breast feed, we suffer through mastitis. We raise families, we break glass ceilings of prejudice. We fight stereotypes and demand equal rights to men. We get breast cancer and ovarian cancer. That's where my pen stops. I have recently been faced with the frightening process of biopsies and mammograms. Of waiting for results and worrying. Of being terrified of what could be. What if I have breast cancer? What if I died and left my four children motherless? What if I have to get chemo and undergo radio therapy? These terrifying possibilities have haunted me for the last 6 months as I found lumps in my breast. "Oh by the way," I told my doctor, "can I get a referral for a mammogram?" I brought up casually,"I found a lump." Little did I know the next 6 months would send me on a roller coaster ride of emotions. A ride that took me and my family to the depths of despair and the heights of joy. Ultrasounds, biopsies, fine needle and core follow. The waiting for results, "be ready", the Dr warned, because if they are cancer, you will need an emergency mastectomy on Monday. It was Thursday.
The lumps are benign; "Let's follow up in 6 months." The Doctor advises me as he gratefully closes the door on that chapter. Breast cancer, access denied! Yay team Sisi!
Then I toddled back to my pristine life, no mastectomy needed here I told the powers that be. Grateful and relieved to the point of giddiness. Best news of my life.
Three months later standing in my doctors office in tears. The water from my eyes pouring down my face; I had found blood coming out of my nipple.
The terror came back. The fear of cancer, of dying and leaving my family came flooding back. More tests, more ultrasounds, more painful tests. They found a papilloma with atypical cells. these particular lumps are suspicious and seen as precancerous; they are usually removed.
 They also found calcifications that would need a special kind of biopsy called a mammotome biopsy.
I needed to be admitted into hospital and wait in a waiting room with women in a similar position to mine. Women who had been stolen from their normal lives to sit in a pastel room wearing a hospital gown thinking anything but pastel thoughts. My mum came with me and kept me company (please read kept me from rocking in the foetal position in the corner) while the lady next to me regaled me on all of the religious reliquaries that she had in her bag. I didn't have Jesus in my bag, I made a mental note to get something religiously inspirational for my bag, like a bottle of semillon blanc.
I finally get called in and lay on a bed, put the boob in question in a hole and hold very still while they administer a local anaesthetic and prepare to squish my boob in a vice and drill it with a suctioning cutting blade in a tube. There's a nurse there to stop me from going crazy and trying to get up. Don't worry I wasn't moving!! I finished that procedure, walked into the waiting room and proceeded to blanch as pale as the pastel puke walls. I shook so hard I couldn't talk.
I talk to the surgeon, everything has gone numb, my mind, my emotions. I should be relieved but I am going to have surgery to remove the papilloma and will lose a large portion of my breast. "Cut it out" I said, "I don't need it!" In truth my kids needed me more than I needed my entire upper ductal system. I was outwardly stoic and inwardly bereft. I talk a good game! Real tough but I am scared of surgery, of losing half my breast.
I don't have cancer and that is the best news I could hope for, but to reduce the risk of developing ductal carcinoma in the future, ol' lefty has to go under the knife. Cancer, even in its absence has left its mark on me, indelible, irrevocable.
That part of me that I associate as being inherently female is being scrutinized and dissected. My fear is I will walk out less. Stupid I know. Beauty is not dependant on whether I have both breasts intact. I get that. I love my body for all its bumps. For the children it has bore me and nourished. But I love my children and my husband and my life much more than those lumps, calcifications, cysts and bad cells.
There have been so many women affected by cancer and who have lost their lives and left jagged holes in their families where they belonged. I will not be one of them.
I'm grateful to have the choice of early detection.
Prevention is the cure!

So get grabbing and make sure you know your boob as more than just the hunk of flesh that you roll on when you're in bed or the accessories you wear when you go out. Get to know every Rocky Mountain and valley of those babies and have mammograms and be VIGILANT!
Peace people. I will get over this hurdle and I pray for those faced with worse. As my beautiful father used to say, whatever you're going through, this too shall pass. Hang in there and love and light to you all. Xx Sisi

Thursday, 31 January 2013


This is off topic, but I want to talk about victimization. Well i suppose, its not about vampires werewolves and faeries. Theres no angels in this post.(amazingly) Not many people know this about me but i am a wife and a mum of four kids. One of whom is having trouble at school. It's funny because I thought his first day of highschool went really well. I truly believed that he was going to make a good start at a new school, first year of highschool and all. Today I found out he was threatened by a student to punch him to the ground and stick his head in a toilet. Charming. This boy was an older boy two years ahead of him and the brother of one of my sons friends..

My husband and I live on the same street as the kids mother, so he saw her standing out the front of the house and decided to say something, maybe trying to circumvent further trouble, maybe she would be able to have a word with the kid. She said oh dear, how terrible, she'd talk to him, she also said well your son isnt really friends with my son and his brother, he is annoying them all the time really and wont leave them alone. she basically said whilst its not on that her son threatens my son, hes just trying to stick up for his brother and that my son was actually the problem. Okay. My son gets threatened with violence and hes to blame? Really is that the take she has on it? So its bad but not so bad cos my kid was asking for it? Being so annoying. That's such a crock of shit. Im flabbergasted that she even bothered to come back up to the house to tell us. BTW it didnt happen the way you say, It's all your sons fault. I think its lucky I didnt sic my attack baby onto her to drool all over her smug face. I already tried to talk to her in the past because ....Oh I forgot to mention, Her big thug of a child has a history of bullying my son in grade school. Awesome. So we went to the only highchool in the area that was a 7 to 12 school, all the grades, and we're stuck with the BULLY. It was the bully's first day at school today, so as you can see he wasted no time in fitting the stereotype as a class A Bully.

 My son has special needs, he had behavioural problems, ADHD, Oppositional defiance disorder and multi focal tic disorder. He has his challenges, dont get me wrong, HE IS NO ANGEL. I have no illusions that he can be really hard to be around at times. But to resort to violence and threats against a 12 year old by a 14 yr old, well, the older kid certainly has his own issues. especially if  this seems to be his Modus Operandi. My kid has special needs, he didnt ask to be this way and life is a struggle for everyone. So if you dont want to be his friend, fine. But dont hang around him or seek him out to get crappy with him for being too chatty or over the top. My kid is the patron Saint of Over the top. But he has a good heart and tries hard to make friends. So if you dont want to be there I understand, but have the balls to say it to his face, not serve him up to your big brother to frighten him and make his school life hell. VICTIMIZATION. It's appalling. Im off to the school to make a formal complaint cos excuse me if the mother didnt fill me with hope that she'd effect any change at all. That is all.